How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship?

Part of my Kundalini and Relationships guide · Teachings by Guru Sanju

Today’s discourse comes in response to a question from Sofia, who shared that she has been in a relationship for one and a half years. She realized that it is toxic, but she feels trapped because her partner has threatened to end his life if she leaves. She asks: How can I go about doing this? I do not want to be the cause of him doing something drastic.

This is a situation many people silently endure. Out of guilt, fear, or misplaced responsibility, they continue to suffocate in a relationship that has long since lost its essence. Let us unfold this step by step.

Recognition of Toxicity

Sofia, the very fact that you have realized this relationship is toxic is already a powerful awakening. To see the truth is no small thing. Recognition means the veil has lifted. And once you see clearly, the question is no longer whether to leave, but when and how.

Because to remain in a toxic relationship after realizing it is toxic is to kill yourself slowly. Every day becomes a self-inflicted wound. Each interaction poisons your energy, your heart, your soul. If you choose to stay, you are essentially saying, “I accept my own destruction.”

So let this be clear: realization itself is strength. It is life urging you to choose freedom.

The Illusion of Responsibility

Now comes the greatest trap: He has threatened to kill himself if I leave. Am I not responsible for his life?

Understand this well: you are not responsible for his choices. Are you killing him? Are you forcing him to end his life? No. He is simply manipulating you with fear. His threat is not love—it is control.

Love never imprisons. Love never says, “Stay with me or I will destroy myself.” That is not love, it is emotional blackmail. If you fall for it, you are reduced to a bonded laborer, a slave assigned the task of keeping him alive through your forced presence.

Ask yourself: is that the purpose of your life? Were you born to be someone’s hostage?

The truth is, whether he chooses to live or die is his decision. Just as whether you choose to continue poisoning yourself or walk free is your decision. Do not confuse the two.

The Courage to Vanish

So what to do? How to end it? The answer is simple, though not easy: vanish. Yes, vanish from his life completely.

You have already spoken of leaving him many times, yet every time he has silenced you with threats. Enough. Words have no more power here. Action is required.

Stop responding. Stop explaining. Stop justifying. Stop giving him the opportunity to repeat the same cycle. One decisive act of disappearance is stronger than a thousand explanations.

You owe him nothing but honesty—and honesty now means silence and absence.

Love versus Toxic Attachment

Many will ask: but what if there is still love? Let us examine this.

Sofia, in your question you used the word toxic. This reveals everything. If love were present, you would not call it toxic. You would call it painful, challenging, difficult perhaps—but not toxic. The use of the word toxic shows there is no love left. There is only poison.

Real love is never toxic. Love is prayer. Love is freedom. Love is wishing good for the other even if it means separation.

If he truly loved you, he would want your happiness—even if that happiness meant being apart. Instead, he threatens you. This is not love. This is fear disguised as love. This is attachment corrupted by ego.

The Mirror of Self-Love

At this point, the real work is not about him, but about you. Why did you remain so long? Why did you give your energy to a man who threatened you instead of cherishing you?

The answer lies in self-love. When you do not value yourself fully, you tolerate what should never be tolerated. You mistake control for affection, threats for passion, toxicity for commitment.

To break free, you must first help yourself. This is the law of all healing: help yourself first.

When you begin to honor your own worth, you will no longer be afraid of losing him. Instead, you will realize that by staying, you are losing yourself.

A Clear Decision

Do not wait any longer. Take the decision and act. The mind will create thousands of excuses, thousands of fears. But truth is simple.

Every moment you delay, you poison yourself. Every day you stay, you affirm the lie that you are powerless. But you are not powerless. You are an adult. You know the consequences of continuing in such a relationship.

Choose life. Choose freedom. Choose yourself.

The Path Forward

Once you leave, there will be silence. There may be fear. He may still attempt to threaten or manipulate. But with your disappearance, the cycle will break.

And you will see something extraordinary: action works. One bold decision can change the entire course of your life.

Yes, there may be challenges ahead. But they will be challenges of growth, not decay. You will find space to breathe, to heal, to discover who you truly are beyond the prison walls.

Final Word

Sofia, and to everyone who finds themselves in a similar situation: remember this truth. A toxic relationship is not a relationship. It is a slow suicide.

If you remain, you kill yourself. If you leave, he may threaten to kill himself. Either way, death is involved. The only difference is whether it is your death or his choice.

Why sacrifice your life at the altar of someone else’s fear? Why make yourself the hostage of another’s emotional blackmail?

Take the decision. Vanish. Do not look back.

Love yourself enough to walk free. And then, watch how life begins to open its arms to you once again.

Take action. It works. Have a great life ahead.

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