The Invisible Reality of Chronic Pain
Explaining chronic pain to family members is one of the most difficult tasks when you are going through chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia and experiencing ongoing pain. Fibromyalgia pain and chronic fatigue are invisible in nature. There is no visible physical damage to your body. There is no medical diagnosis available that can precisely define your state. So even if you are suffering at your highest levels of pain, nobody truly understands your condition or situation.
In this discourse, I share practical steps for communicating your chronic pain to your family members—step by step. If you implement these practical steps, it becomes easier to process your pain in a healing way rather than aggravating it because nobody is understanding your condition.
The First Family Member You Must Address: Yourself
The first member of your family to whom you need to explain your condition—the one who is the closest to you—is you yourself. You have to talk to yourself. The first thing you need to do is speak to your inner self.
Whatever you have identified yourself with—if you are operating under the conditioning or programming of that mind—you are going to suffer, because your mind is not truly your mind. It behaves like a collective mind: the way people function in life; the way the world perceives pain; the assumptions and rules that society imposes on experience. If you are blaming yourself for having this condition, you need to reverse this response.
Understand that the chronic pain you are feeling is due to the traumatic events in your life that led to this pain. And in the present, if you keep judging yourself for having pain, you are operating from the energy of lack and lower energy. Your nervous system perceives this energy as a threat.
Ending Self-Blame and Guilt
This energy is perceived again by your nervous system as freeze mode, and your nervous system responds very strongly to these inner thoughts. If you are blaming yourself for your condition, stop blaming yourself here and now. If you are feeling guilty about your condition, stop feeling guilty. Accept yourself and your condition. Understand that your pain may be karmic in nature or may have multiple reasons behind it. Whatever the causes behind the pain, there is a way to handle it through nervous system and brain regulation.
You need to send positive signals to your brain and nervous system: It’s okay to have pain; nothing to worry about. In the meantime, you will work toward healing yourself through the ways I will teach you. You can work with me through dedicated health projects; if you work in the direction I guide you, you will definitely be pain-free. I myself went through fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue for years and healed myself, and I help patients and students get free from fibromyalgia and chronic pain. Likewise, you can be pain-free.
So start looking at yourself through the energy of hope instead of remaining hopeless. Perhaps you have remained hopeless for years because you felt there was no solution. That is why negative self-talk began—generating a negative loop of freeze responses in your nervous system.
How Negative Loops Strengthen the Freeze Response
Each time you tell yourself, I am not good enough; I am guilty of my pain; I am to blame; I regret that many years of my life have been lost; I am sad all the time; I have not grown in life, you strengthen the freeze mode. Your nervous system registers these statements as a threat to your survival and locks down even more.
To reverse this and cultivate a calmer, more peaceful internal response, you must shift your perspective. Free yourself from the collective mind. This inner self-talk is very important. If you find it difficult to do this inner conversation alone, you need someone with you—a powerful mentor, guide, master, a guru—who can work with you to overcome the symptoms of your pain.
Speaking With Parents: One-to-One, Not in Groups
Next, consider the closest members of your family.
If you are single and close to your parents, remember: parents are two individuals—your mother and father—and your siblings are also individuals. Do not discuss your issues in groups or public settings. Public here means teaming up together, talking at the dinner table with multiple people, or in get-togethers and gossip settings. Do not talk about your problem when everyone is sitting together.
If your parents do not live with you and suggest a group video call or conference, stop that; stop that immediately. Do not participate in such group talks. Instead, choose one-to-one conversations.
Whatever your equation with your mother, speak one-to-one with her about your issues and learn her perspective. If she is supportive of your cause—well and good. If she is not supportive, maintain distance from that person, whether she is your mother or anyone else in the family.
The same principle applies to your father. Speak to the man in him; speak to the higher, evolved masculine energy in him. If he is a wounded masculine who does not understand your perspective, take this as a clear energetic signal: you may need to move away from your parents—energetically and practically—at least for a period of healing.
Siblings: Compassion, Boundaries, and Zero Convincing
Siblings may be your brother, sister—anyone. If they are struggling with issues in their own life and you are not compassionate about their struggles, expect the same in return. If you want compassion, offer it. Speak to each person compassionately and share your issues depending on the intimacy level you have with them.
But do not try to convince anyone. Do not seek their approval. Chronic pain is invisible in nature. Only you feel it. You bear the suffering. Do not expect others to understand. When you expect and they do not respond as you hoped, your nervous system goes back into freeze mode. It reads such disappointments as threats to survival. You may have a long-standing pattern of seeking acceptance from everyone; that pattern itself keeps you trapped.
So stop convincing each family member. Stop seeking approval. It is perfectly okay if they do not understand. Every person is an individual with limited experience. They cannot feel what they have never experienced. See this from a third-person, helicopter perspective. It is okay not to be understood. Also, do not blame yourself for not making them understand.
Set the Conditions Before You Share
When you do choose to talk, give the conversation priority. Ensure the person is not distracted. They should not be on their phone. Remove all distractions. Set an appointed time. Take an appointment for the meeting in which you are going to share.
Begin with a clear preface: I want to share my health condition, which is undiagnosed because there is no medical diagnosis available that can precisely diagnose my condition. I want to talk, but I request that you do not judge me. I do not want to feel judged while sharing.
From this initial talk, you will immediately sense each person’s attitude toward your problem. If their attitude is negative, avoid the meeting itself. Why would you go into the cage where the lion is already waiting to pounce on you? The lion here represents the negative energy aimed at your problem. If you know you will be attacked, will you go near the lion?
Accepting Support—Without the “Victim” Vibe
After you share, if any member is ready to support you, you can accept support—but only if it does not make you feel like a victim. If a family member supports you from the heart, you will feel an expansion in your chest, a softening in your breath, and a sense of being healed. If their support carries a victim narrative, you will feel your stomach constrict; you may catch yourself in a breath-hold. That means you have gone into freeze mode again. Track this loop through their behavior and your body’s signals, and decide accordingly.
Consider a Healing Sabbatical: Seclusion and Space
I often suggest taking a break from the homely environment and going to a secluded place where you can work on yourself without having to explain so much to the people around you. If nobody understands you, why spend so much energy trying to explain? Go away for a period; when you recover, you can return.
There are many options today for living separately and working remotely. Or even if you remain in the same home, maintain a gentle distance. Limit engagement with worldly talk and gossip. Do not allow others to treat you like a “mental patient,” as if you have lost your mind. Such mislabeling affects your nervous system—everything is perceived as energetic disturbance, which is precisely what chronic pain does not need.
Be extremely gentle with yourself. Be extremely positive toward your healing process. Be extremely accepting of your condition. There are many aspects of healing involved. Any judgment, any criminalization, any attempt to frame you as a victim or as psychotic will harm you. Your brain goes into an overly calculative mode when people constantly discuss you rather than living their own lives.
The Emotional Burden on Parents (and Why Reactions Escalate)
The way your family perceives your condition depends on their emotional quotient. If they are themselves going through trauma or have not healed from their past, your disclosure can burden them. Due to their incapacity to help, they may feel overwhelmed by their limitations. If your mother is not equipped to help you, she may slip into depression—into a mode of non-performance—entering her own trauma. Then she may blame you for her condition.
So be extremely intelligent and discerning: will sharing with a given person truly help you become pain-free—or will it do the opposite?
Similarly with your father: if he has never faced such a condition and is already weighed down by his life, he may not be able to hold your experience. His nervous system will retaliate differently. He may call his friends or your relatives. Both parents may enter panic. They may involve relatives, friends—everyone—as they try to rescue the situation. The drama escalates when your family is not equipped to handle your case. They may gossip, consult strangers, and seek solutions everywhere.
Meanwhile, you have already done the diagnoses, visited doctors, and learned that you are dealing with chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia with extreme pain. You do not want the drama repeated. So be extra careful as you share, and be smart enough to anticipate how each person is likely to react.
Sometimes it is better not to tell anyone.
The Confidential Path: Work Quietly and Heal
If you are equipped enough—and especially if you are working with me—you can keep your healing entirely confidential and work with yourself. Gradually you will be healed, and nobody will even know about your case. Why let the world know if their involvement will worsen your condition rather than resolve it?
The same applies to siblings: if they are not equipped to handle your condition, they will seek help from their friends and relatives. Stop sharing with everyone. Speak to your mentor, guide, or guru—speak to me—and no other sharing is required. Work in the way I tell you, in a secret and focused manner, so you heal completely. No extra talk is required.
This counsel applies even if you are married yet still entangled with your parents in the same ways. You can follow the same approach: minimal exposure, maximum inner work, compassionate boundaries.
Spouse Dynamics: Supportive Partnership vs. Energetic Leakage
Now consider your spouse. Suppose you are a man and speaking to your wife—it depends on your intimacy level. It depends on how you are related to your wife.
If you are good partners and your partner has the understanding to be supportive—if she stands in her healthy feminine, becomes one with your problem, gives you space, and does everything to facilitate healing—then your journey is very different. You will feel accompanied, strengthened, and resourced.
But if your wife is not supportive—if you are female, read this equally for your husband—if your spouse is closely tied into her family system and passes everything you share to her mother, father, brother, or extended relatives, then better not share. Deal with your issues alone, with your mentor or guide.
If your relationship is not good and you feel it is time to separate—at least for a few months—take the space. During this period, you will learn exactly who is who. The moment you start sharing your pain, you will see each person’s true colors through their responses. Who supports you? Who does not? Everything becomes clear during the sharing journey.
Based on your relationship, share if it is supportive. If not, separate and work on yourself for your life.
Children: The Most Delicate Terrain
The most complicated part arises with your children. If you have a child or children, deal with this situation very delicately.
Children primarily understand their mother’s language because the mother often holds a more dominant and influential position in their lives. This is widely observed. When the father is weak in health or in any crisis—health or financial—the children are even more likely to listen to their mother.
So if your wife is supportive and discreet, she will stand on your side of the table; both of you will speak to the children together in a measured way. If your wife is not with you—if she is narcissistic or antagonistic—she may aggravate the problem by giving the children an opposite perspective, eroding their trust in you. Your nervous system may again go into freeze mode in response to this. It is extremely delicate to share your chronic pain with family when there are children involved.
I advise you to use your intelligence, intuition, and sensitivity to energy. Decide beforehand that you are the most important person in your life and that you will take all necessary initiative to transform your life. Whether you speak to others—or do not—be bold and anchored in your healing.
In-Laws, Friends, Colleagues, and Society: Do Not Broadcast
Your in-laws, if you are connected with them, do not need to be told. They are distant relatives in energetic terms and are likely to worsen your condition. When you expose yourself to too many people regarding the same condition, your nervous system automatically shifts into threat mode. Your brain reads this as: I have a serious problem; that’s why I’m reaching out to so many people. This locks the freeze.
So stop sharing with friends, colleagues, society members, community members, and on social media. This is about talking to family—if at all. If you are equipped to deal with yourself, there is no need to announce to the world that you are going through chronic pain. People out there are similar to your family; they will respond in similar ways. There is no point in exposing your private life to the public.
The Deeper Mechanism: Trauma, Neurons, and Learned Threat
Understand your pain in terms of your millions of neurons. Your nervous system has learned responses from your trauma and tagged them as threats. Whatever you suppressed in your subconscious—during childhood; at birth; in the womb, when you were not yet aware of external conditions; in early childhood; in adolescence when you did not know how to respond to insults, bullying, or overwhelming situations—your body held onto those.
Trauma need not be a large, dramatic event. It can be a simple moment—someone insulting you, body-shaming you, or your own inner talk. Your mind itself can be the generator of trauma through constant self-negation: I am not good enough. If you carry imposter syndrome, obsessive-compulsive patterns, cleanliness compulsions, or if you are going through a spiritual awakening through which chronic pain and fibromyalgia began, you may not fully understand the layers that led to your current problem.
Only when you work with a guru through your active participation do you begin to see the possible causes. I have the clairvoyant capacity to read your energy field and your past lives. Some of the problems you face could be carried forward from past incarnations. Whatever the cause behind your chronic pain, until you are equipped to work on yourself, do not keep your nervous system and brain in elevated threat mode by overexposing your condition. Overexposure pushes your system into constant panic and appeasement behavior.
The Breath-Led Way to Speak: Mouth Exhalation Technique
If you find it difficult to share your case with any member of your family, use mouth exhalation while speaking. This single technique changes your state while you communicate.
Why It Works
Long, complete, deep, slow exhalations via the mouth signal safety to your nervous system. They activate the parasympathetic branch, reduce breath-holding, release abdominal bracing, and soften the freeze response. You speak from exhale, not from breath-hold.
How to Practice (Step-by-Step)
- Posture and Setup
Sit or stand with your spine naturally long. Soften your shoulders and jaw. Unclench your teeth. Place one hand on your lower ribs or upper abdomen to feel movement. - Prepare the Breath
Take a gentle, unforced inhale through the nose. Do not lift your shoulders. Let your lower ribs expand slightly. Then pause very briefly—not a hold, just a quiet turn-around. - Long Mouth Exhale
Exhale through the mouth slowly, as if fogging a mirror, with lips parted. Let the diaphragm deflate and move upward; allow the belly to naturally move inward. Your exhale should be long, complete, deep, and slow. Aim for smoothness, not force. - Speak on the Exhale
While exhaling, speak one short sentence. Keep it simple and direct. For example:
See, Mom, I am going through chronic pain. - Reset With a Gentle Inhale
Breathe in softly through the nose again. Avoid sharp sniffs or upper-chest pulls. Keep the throat open. - Repeat—One Sentence per Exhale
On the next long mouth exhale, speak your next sentence:
You need to understand my case.
Inhale gently, then exhale and say:
I am not expecting anything from you.
Inhale gently, then exhale and say:
But you need to be patient with my condition.
Inhale gently, then exhale and say:
I am just informing you for my satisfaction. - Maintain Diaphragmatic Deflation
With each exhale, let the diaphragm rise and the abdominal wall soften inward. This deflation is a key signal of safety for your nervous system. - Address Questions Calmly
If they ask why you are exhaling like this, say plainly:
If I don’t do this, I will not be able to share anything with you. This is what my body, brain, and nervous system need. Otherwise, it will impact my brain tremendously and I may slip into a prolonged shutdown—hibernation, coma, or a paralyzed state. It is very important for me to speak in this manner. - Close With Clarity
End the conversation when your breath remains long and calm. Do not push yourself to speak beyond your nervous system’s capacity in that moment.
This breath-led method is not for show; it is for regulation. It allows you to speak without sending your body into freeze. The technique turns sharing into healing rather than re-traumatization.
Choosing When Not to Share
Sometimes the advanced way is not to explain your situation to anyone—especially when the people around you are unequipped to hold it. Work with your guru. Build capacity. Heal quietly. Let the results speak when you return.
If you decide to share, share intelligently: one-to-one, appointed time, no distractions, clear preface, minimal details, and only with those whose support expands your heart and calms your breath.
Your Inner Stance: Hope, Gentleness, and Self-Leadership
Across all relationships—parents, siblings, spouse, children, in-laws, friends, colleagues, society—the central stance is the same:
- Keep your inner conversation gentle, hopeful, and free from self-blame.
- Refuse guilt narratives.
- Withdraw from group discussions and gossip settings.
- Do not try to convince or seek approval.
- Track your body’s signs—constriction or expansion, breath-holding or long exhale—and use them as your compass.
- Create space—physically or energetically—when needed.
- Share minimally; work maximally.
- Speak from exhale.
- Choose confidentiality when it protects your healing.
- Seek mentorship and guidance when your own inner resources feel insufficient.
This is the understanding behind how to talk to your family members about chronic pain. Use these steps to protect your nervous system and to convert conversations from re-injury into regulation. If you want to learn the advanced way, work on yourself with the guru. With dedicated guidance, nervous system regulation, and disciplined practice, healing becomes not just possible but probable.
Have a great day. Thank you.
